they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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