I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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