I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So here I am, sexting at work.
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