Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your penis caused this!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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