we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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