I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
