I'm so fucking centered right now
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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