Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
