My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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