If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
