Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
