I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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