we have pet lesbian snakes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
