Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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