My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
