apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize