you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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