so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
did i just pee glitter
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
