he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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