hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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