It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
