Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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