My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
