what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
