This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize