Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
