her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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