my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
