The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
