it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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