so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
