i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
