i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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