Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I believe in your delicious
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your penis caused this!
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