I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
