made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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