I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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