Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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