chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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