Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
