sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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