WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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