walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
