everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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