How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
