Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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