Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize