I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
