Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
