Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
