She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
