OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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