I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
