I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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