and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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