I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
