Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
