Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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