i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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