you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
