i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
