That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
