Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
