How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
