I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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