I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
