On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
These tits shall not be calmed
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