I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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