Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
