I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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