If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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