best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
