she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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