It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
