i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
