I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
