Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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