Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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