Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
