We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
