what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
