Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
