So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
