tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
