We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
