i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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