she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
