either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize