So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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