it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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