i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize