you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
