Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's shark week go big or go home
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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