im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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