you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
