**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
