I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
