Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
