is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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