Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
